"My Message to America" #alllivesmatter

My heart is heavy and for once I have been at a loss for words. My post is not about "the verdict," per say but the larger conversation (or lack of) in America. These conversations ARE being held- but not to the attention of the privilege, and no that is not "PC" for white people. I am talking privilege. Where people are able to exist in an isolated environment unaware of things happening outside of it. Not until so much outrage begins to burst at the seams and the internal fire becomes external that media begins to cover the "riots" and the "looting." But there are thousands of people of all ethnic backgrounds across the country not just "protesting" but gathering in solidarity to bring attention to inequality and crying out for peace.

My brother went to private high school, graduating college, a Div. 1 baseball player, a guy who makes friends everywhere he goes. Yet, SOME people will 1st and foremost always see him as a 21yr old BLACK MAN. Because of his privilege he doesn't even realize this exists for him. I fear for him, I pray for him.

Racism exists. I have traveled the country with my art. Jasper, Texas and told we could not leave our hotel because "tensions against people of color" were still high shortly after a black man had been tied, dragged and beheaded behind a truck. West Virginia, not to go find food after dark because "the klu klux klan" gatherings are in close distance from where we were. I couldn't believe this was still happening in my lifetime, and it is just "the way it is" in places. But my post is not about race.

It's about privilege. When one cannot see a problem that exists because it does not affect their community, their families, their LIFE there will always be a disconnect. If it did, change would happen- quickly. Privilege brings resources, resources allows for tangibles, tangibles become concrete policies, opportunities and eases the tension and breeds faith in the system that those resources helped support. The result? The system works for them.

As a Latina I have had more than my share of injustices. I have been told to
"calm down," "be quiet," "let it go," etc. Even in business and as an Arts Educator I have been "put in my place." When you are brought to a table because of your talents and expertise and from the make-up, you know you STILL have to fight harder, be smarter, be louder than everyone else just to be heard because in many circles your lack of privilege. Yes, this still happens to me TODAY.This is what we are experiencing in America.

As I reflect on the work of my fellow brothers and sisters who are walking the walk and using art to empower our young people we all come form different ethnic backgrounds. It's not just about race. I shed tears knowing that after creating and empowering hope with my young artists that I pray they get home safely on a DAILY basis. Art DOES change lives and I have dedicated my life to the work. But when I hear about what many of my kids encounter daily and I have no answers for them it breaks my heart.

Change MUST happen. How? I wish I had the finite answer. Privilege will always exist. But it must stop denying that realities that do not exist for them can in no way not exist for others and need to be changed. I do know it must begin with each and every one of us. America must get to a place to not deny that MAYBE there IS inequality, that some things are NOT working and to acknowledge that there is a long, documented history of inequality, oppression and pain has to happen. If we continue to ignore it, it will be detrimental to us all.

Let's unite in love and in peace. Start today.

Like

A Post Mother's Day Note from An (Aging) Professional Female Artist

Another Mother's Day passes. At 37 years old, it is not a day I received breakfast in bed, flowers or coupon books for "free hugs" or "washing the dishes." I was at an 8 hour rehearsal for an incredible upcoming production titled "Veteranos." I have MANY titles: sister, daughter, artist, activist, mentor, and "mother" to countless number of young people who I have taught, mentored and literally helped raise over the last 20 years of my career, yet "Mommy" is not one of them.

Some folks feel sorry for me that I have not experienced the joy of Motherhood. Some envy my "free time" and that I can take a shower without someone pounding down the door. Some can't fathom that I have "chosen" my career over the gift of children. Here is a little clarity-

1. "You don't have much time left."
I am very clear that my child bearing years are coming to an end. We are reminded- monthly. There are many a times I think, "Was that my last egg?" We do enough "reminding" for ourselves.

2. "A job is never as important as your children."
Exactly. Which is why I don't have biological children yet. If and when the time comes my child/ren WILL be my priority. I would not be able to keep up the demanding schedule I have now and be present in the lives of my children the way I know I would want to be.

*Note to #2- I don't have a "job," it is my life's work. A creative being can't just "clock out" and it will NEVER be a 9-5.

3. A year down equals 5 years as a professional female artist.
If a man is going to be a father he can continue to audition and work as usual. Once a woman starts showing she can't audition for roles for a character who is not prego (unless you are Kerry Washington and the script and camera shots are written so you can continue to film- oh and you are the STAR of the show). Months of pregnancy, baby is born THEN you have to not only get back to pre-baby weight but look even BETTER because now 10 months later…you are a year older as well.

4. "Get a regular job so you can have a baby."
I am not married and self supporting. My art is not only what feeds my soul, but how I feed my face, pay my bills and sustain. I would be miserable in a career that didn't fit my passion and destiny. I would be a depressed mother to my kid.

5. It IS a sensitive issue.
Don't assume a female artist in her later 30's/early 40's doesn't WANT kids or respect the incredible sacrifices mothers make to be "moms." We go back and forth DAILY. It is one of the biggest decisions and commitments we make in our lives. There are many factors that play in. Plus you may not know the history of the female artist. Maybe she CAN'T have kids. Maybe she has had a miscarriage. You don't know what you don't know, don't assume.


6. Biological kids or not…I AM a "Mother."
My Buela, who raised me was not able to conceive. Yet, she was the most nurturing, "motherly" person I know and raised MANY children throughout her life. I am honored and blessed to have touched the lives of so many young people throughout my career. Referred to as "Mom, Ma, Dance Mama, Madrina etc." I have baptized, been maid of honor, confirmation sponsor, Quince's galore, family functions, high school graduations, college graduations, career planning- I have been a part of it ALL! Many incredible experiences and relationships that I may not have been able to have had I had a family of my own before now.

It's not about a "Career vs. Family" discussion, and trust me it is not an easy feat. It is about balance, timing and fulfilling our artistic destiny and being the best Mom we can be and that our kids would deserve. 37 years came quick! As I look back on the last 20 years I have traveled the world, created amazing art, contributed to my community and have loved "my kids." I DO want a family but have accepted that if it is meant to be it will happen, and in its right time. If it isn't meant to be, I will have had a pretty fulfilling life as well.

So if next Mother's Day you come across an aging female artist, who isn't a Mother, don't ask questions, give a lecture or a look of pity. Give a smile, a hug and ask her what she has been up to. I guarantee you she has been "birthing" some really creative art.

"I'm not a gangster...I just play one on T.V."

Tattoos on my neck...coldness in my eyes...and the library of guns in my bag....
All my years in this business and my first prime time gig on a huge network show I'm cast as "Anna"-the hard core gang banger who moves loads of weapons and cash. A few lines in a great closing scene with a pretty good pay check (thank God for the union).

"That's it?" "I thought it was gonna be longer?" "You look so mean!" Just the few comments I received post airing. None that were taken negatively. Then there is the ultimate..."Why do you choose to "just" audition for gangster roles?" Now time for some clarity-

1. I don't CHOOSE to "just" audition for gangster roles. 9 out of 10 tv/movie roles casting directors want to see me for are stereotypical roles- gangster, mean girl, single mom etc.

2. Most leading roles for tv/film are not written for people who look like me. Even if they are, networks and producers want a "big star" for the leading role to help lock in an audience hence knocking the rest of us out of the running.

3. Even these smaller roles are not easy to book. I beat out about 40-50 other actors for that lil ol' scene.

4. It is easy for people to say taking these roles is demeaning to Latinas and I should say, "no." Trust me I have said "no" to ALOT of gigs.

5. The writes guild has a limited representation of writers who are female. Latinas? Even smaller. We aren't the ones writing these characters or story lines.

6. I am an actor. Just because I am not this type of person in real life doesn't mean I can't play one on TV. I don't have any kids of my own in real life but I can for damn sure play a mother on screen! So why wouldn't I play a gangster?

7. Lupe Ontiveros played a maid hundreds of time in her career. She said it was her job to bring integrity to each one of her characters. It is my commitment as well.

8. Should I be playing the doctor? The teacher? The detective? Characters with depth, clarity and relatable? Yes, yes and yes.

9. I have. BUT mostly on stage in the theater. Theatre in L.A. isn't livable. You do theatre for the love, you do tv and film to pay your bills.

10. This is why I write, this is why I produce, this is why I create art to tell our stories.

1-10 . No one is going to do it for me.